Friday 5 October 2007

Four sweet chords

Do you know about having the blues at the same time as feeling electric and alive and thrilled and excited by life and the texture of the moment? It's so strange. Been going on, on and off, for a few days now. I suppose I've just got to write about it.

It's funny, you know. The human desire for simple, uncomplicated happiness, is actually the death knell for vibrant living. Rather, the state of uncomplicated happy satiation is that. The desire for it can be interesting and vibrant. But often, the presence of the desire for uncomplicated human satiation eclipses the nuances of living, and that's just where the good stuff is, really. So I can feel in me a somewhat suspicion of this blues, the blues left out in the cold.

And then I think of a conversation I had a couple of nights ago, about old cold feelings and outsider, stranger qualities, and treating them like human beings out freezing - open the door, for christ's sake, and come in and warm yourself by the fire. Come on, now. Are you hungry? Do you need something to eat? Human, you know. Sometimes it's hard for things to melt.

I need something to eat, I haven't had breakfast yet. Getting picky about food, lately. Food shopping has been so random for me over the past few months. I find it difficult to make wholesome and sensible food shopping trips. I mean, I usually end up with reasonably wholesome food (and haagen d), but not in my usual way of food shopping. I buy a hell of a lot more put-together foods and sauces now than I think I ever have before. I suppose it's just easier. I'm living in a flat with a broken oven and one pot. I haven't had much interest in cooking since I got to new york. I seem to have lost my libido for cooking (but not eating) : it's gone somewhere else. It's gone into sitting by this computer, it's gone into sitting with the guitar that's popped a string, into other stuff besides.

Going to look at a flat today. Maybe a few more over the weekend, before I head off. Within a week, I'll be blogging from Ireland.

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