You ain't my bitch, nigga. Buy yo own damn fries.

This is the finest thing I've seen on the internet in quite a while (at least since this morning) even if our jiving president (did I just say that? Am I becoming American? Or just an inability to recognise Brian Cowan as anything other than a cement truck?) does sound a little unhip with a filthy mouth.

So, to be clear: these are samples from President Barack Obama's audiorecording of his book, Dreams of my Father, which he has read aloud himself. In this recording, he quotes some friend of his from back in the day. You are about to hear your president say nigga, sorry ass muthafucka, and perhaps the sentence of the week: This shit's getting waaay too complicated for me.

For budding Kenneth Starrs everywhere, take heed: that guy ain't shit. Sorry ass muthafucka got nothin on me. Nothin.

This one, sadly, did not show up in a vicepresidential debate, sigh: there are white folks, and then there are ignorant muthafuckas like you.

This, however is by far my favourite.

If you're having problems listening to the audio samples, you can also get them here and here.

Thanks, India!

We have earned the new puppy that is coming with us to the White House

It's worth watching all 3:35 of this.

More tales from tuesday night

What Carrie Dashow found on the night of November 4th.

Everyone's terribly excited

A Guardian-run flickr stream where anyone is invited to contribute a message for Obama. Here is a small curated view.

Have you seen these?

Barack Obama's photostream on Flickr (thanks, Andrew). Some candid shots of the core team on election night. Notice the lack of people milling about. Notice the calm air. The lack of booze. A few bottles of water on the table. Muted.

The transitional government website is change.gov and it's an interesting spot to have a dig around.

Meanwhile it feels tribal around here. Obama! I call. Obama! they call back.

His journey here

This is a half hour documentary about Barack Obama's life, with interviews from school and collegemates, colleagues, family and friends. Some great pictures, too. There is an audio download option.

It's difficult not to love this guy.

Election night outside Freddy's

Hot damn

It was only about a half hour after Obama was elected that I noticed it. There was just sheer jubilant joy in Brooklyn last night. We just celebrated all night long. It was so beautiful. Every passing car, every passing person, cheered and beeped as we danced together. What a night to be in America.

We cheered the cabs, they cheered back. We cheered the people passing by the corner of Freddy's. They cheered back. They joined us. We danced. People swung from lampposts. We cheered the department of sanitation truck. They cheered back. We cheered the NYPD (well, I did). They ooh ooh ooh'd back. Every time anybody said yaaaaaaay, the room lit up, alive, yaaaaaaying back.

We sang, we danced, we played, we danced, it was a wreck of jubilation, I am covered in glitter dust today, we kissed and hugged strangers, no one was a stranger last night. Today I hear the same sounds of New York outside this corner house and they sound softer, chirpier. Of course, the jackhammers are back, across the street. This house is a confluence of streetcorners, one of them being one of the busiest thoroughfares in Brooklyn. There are always jackhammers around.

This was no mere Democrat victory, mark that. Last night, something reached deeply into people's hearts and set them free. Last night, the word OBAMA meant love. Something extraordinary happened in America's soul last night. This is how it was, here in Brooklyn, on Dean street.

OBAMA

YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Hallelujah. Sleep well, folks. You can, tonight.